crosshatch (sheeppainter) wrote in twelvers,

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Resentments and Politics.

I am nearly 15 years sober. I got to regular meetings. I sponsor people regularly. I am almost always working with a newcomer. I have two homegroups and hold a chair position for our local intergroup (PI/CPC). I am active in the fellowship, go to outings, have regular contact with AA'rs. I go through the steps I work with sponsees, of course... with my sponsor or a group about every year to year and a half.
I haven't posted on LJ in about a year.
So I am asking for input. The last several 4th step inventories always include the same resentments. All surrounding around politics. My sponsor is on one side of the political spectrum and I am far, far to the other. That in and of itself has never been an issue. We skirt around some issues, but he is a friend, a good sponsor, a likable guy. I am clear the destructive power of resentments. And I am clear on the difference between "getting angry" and "staying angry"- a resentment. But I am also clear on how consumed I can become with politics. I am not time around, there are a few people that make me feel quite hateful. They disgust me. They never cease to amaze me with their diametrically opposed views of human beings and the world. And it can get me going.
I see how I am driven at times by fear. By selfishness. By anger. I can see how decisions I make can and have caused me to be in a position to be hurt.

My sponsor suggests that as an alcoholic, I cannot "dislike" people. I need to find a way to be "neutral". Yet when persons in positions of power are making decisions that affect my life, and I see them being hurtful to masses of people, how can I stand by and say nothing? Do nothing? I am drawn to politics. I am supportive of those that see things my way. Yet I fear that unless I can find a way to be more forgiving, more "neutral", it will consume me from the inside out, it will kill me, whether it leads to a drink or not.

I tell myself, it is not that bad. I tell myself, it is my civic duty to be responsible to society. I tell myself that my political discourses are helpful by making others aware of injustices by certain individuals. I enjoy the heated debate, the 'diatribes' in public (internet) forums, as well as in public in general. (I am careful never to mix it with alcoholics anonymous) I am never insulting or degrading or carry such conversations face-to-face...I practice restraint of tongue... Except on the internet or with those who agree with me. I see the self-justification.

And I see others who live life relatively politics-free, or neutral or in blissful ignorance. I cannot relate. Those things make no sense to me; as if I am thinking, 'how can you let these people get away with that/treat others that way/do those things to our society/country/brothers & sisters' if it is my "moral" obligation. I wake up to news, and politically biased blogs and talk radio. And I have tried to "just not go there" but it is like a drug... I cannot stay away.

So if you have read this far, my question do YOU deal with politics? Better still, have you been there? Remain there? I want YOUR experiences. I don't want opinions...or minimally. I want actual experience in how other alcoholics think, feel or deal with politics in the current divisive culture. I don't want to die. And I don't want to drink. It is the furthest from my mind. Yet I see this as the one thing that can block me off from the sunlight of the spirit and not sure I can ever be "neutral". It is part of who I am. I even enjoy the rush of times. And while I tell myself I am "looking out for all the other guys being hurt", I can't help but wonder how much i am kidding myself.......
(Sorry for any cross-posting)
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