kasheesty (kasheesty) wrote in twelvers,

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Inertia is a powerful force. So is compulsive behavior.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results," writer Earnie Larsen has said for years. I think it goes one step further. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over because we can't find the button that says, "Stop."

"My mom was dying," a woman said. "I went to live with her, take care of her. We had our issues, like most mothers and daughters. But I love my mom, and this was the end of her life.

"She had a studio apartment. We both lived in that one room. I had to get out of there once in a while. Whenever I returned from being out, I knew what to expect. My mom would slam me with sarcastic remarks. She'd say things like, "It's nice to know that I'm not as important to you as your friends."

"My mom had used sarcasm to cover her emotions all my life. I had tried to explain this to her, and how I felt when she was sarcastic with me. I had told her it was okay for her to be vulnerable with me and just say how she really feels. She either didn't get it, or she didn't want to change.

"I had to keep taking breaks. I couldn't be there 24 hours a day. But I'd cringe when I came home, dreading her caustic remarks. One night, I tiptoed in. I was praying to God that Mom would be asleep. She wasn't She was lying there waiting for me to walk through the door.

"I took off my coat. Asked her how she was doing. Said I had a nice night.

"'I'm glad you had a good time,' Mom said. 'But I feel really sad and scared when I'm alone. And I feel better now that you're here.'

"I couldn't believe what I heard. Don't tell me it's too late to do things differently. My mom made a choice and took the action to change in the last week of her life."

Putting values into action in our lives takes courage and hard work. Sometimes the little steps we take mean a lot.

Change the things we can.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

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